Late Discoveries

God, I love sushi.

So much so that I suggested that we have some for dinner tonight.  It had been way too long.

No, the picture above is not what we had for dinner.

It is actually something I demolished several months ago with the help of my friend Teesha. 

But that's beside the point.

We went to dinner at a place we'd never been to, which had good reviews online.  It wasn't the very best sushi I've ever had, but what won me over was the atmosphere.  There were so many regulars there, I practically felt out of place being a newcomer.  The servers called out to customers by name when they came through the door.  The owner greeted everyone with a hearty "Hiiiiii!" when they entered.  Many people were asked "Do you want your normal table?".  It felt like the sort of place I'd want to come to regularly, just so they knew me and "my" table.

Alas, it is not to be.  We're moving within a couple of months.  It's sad when you make discoveries about places that have literally been right under your nose for years - I have ridden the train past this place (and a fantastic looking bistro not 100 feet away) twice every day for years.  And just now I've found it. 

It's not as if I won't be able to find good places to eat where we're going - there's a dozen restaurants I can name off the top of my head within the immediate area.  I guess I've just always been the kind of person who really starts to value something when I know I'm about to lose it.

Is there a lesson in all of this?

Weight Loss Journal, Day 7

It's so clear that I have the toughest time with eating when I'm completely bored. 

Today at work I barely even managed to eat my lunch (and not even the entire thing), whereas yesterday and the day before I was nearly dying of starvation and couldn't stop thinking about food.  I actually didn't even remember that I had a half a can of Progresso soup in the fridge until I was well on my way home.  I hope no one throws out the container it's in...

The difference? I was busier than all get-out this afternoon, and was bored as heck the two days prior.

I'm trying to come up with ways to busy myself at home when I'm having a major craving.  Yeah, yeah, I know there are a million things I could be doing instead of eating.  Heck, all of the crafty blogs I've been exploring over the past few weeks proves that in abundance.  Still, it's very tough to focus on anything else when your brain is telling you it's time for you eat.  Now.  Lots.  Of whatever.

In other news...

I started to reread one of Geneen Roth's books on the train tonight.  I loved how just a few pages put me back to where I was a few months ago, mentally.  Everything came flooding back, all the wisdom, all the knowledge.  What a great feeling.

The first thing I need to do is learn to be a bit more gentle with myself.  This goes in all aspects of life, not just weight loss or the attempt to become a healthier person.

Case in point: One night Rob and I were sitting on the couch and watching a movie, as we do so often.  On the floor across the room is a basket in which I have piled many skeins of yarn.  He said, "I love that basket.  I look at it and it makes me feel so homey".  My immediate response: "Funny, I look at it and I think about all the projects I never completed".

See the difference there? And that's just one example of, like, a thousand and one.  It's all about how you look at things.

So, how to be gentle.  The first part of this is to accept my body for what it is.  Everything about my body, whether it pleases me or not, IS a part of me.  It should be treated kindly, with respect.

The next part is being gentle with my inner self.  I know I haven't always made the right choices when it comes to what I say I want out of life.  The choices I've made regarding food are in direct conflict with what I say I want my body to look like and how I say I want to feel.  However, as Geneen points out (and this makes so much sense to me), compulsive eating is always done as a way to take care of ourselves.

For instance, say you feel as though when you are thin you automatically need to be vivacious and energetic and charming? Say you feel that you need to be attractive to everyone you meet.  But in reality you're an introvert who would rather spend a quiet night in than be the center of attention.  So what do you do? You eat in order to protect yourself from the spotlight you think you're going to be in otherwise.  It's self-preservation, while on the surface it looks like self-mutilation.  I don't know, to me it just makes sense and is worth exploring.

How have I done this to myself in the past?


Can you think of a time you may have done this to yourself (and it doesn't have to be about food)?

A Loose Woman

I'm putting my foot down.

On what, you ask? On my chronic book purchasing.

First it was just your normal bookstore obsession. Then I became obsessed with buying uber-cheap books from the thrift shop. Then the thrift shop moved to a bigger location which is not anywhere near the train station, which was the only reason I started going there in the first place.  It was so convenient to pop in there and kill time if I missed my bus home.  So what if while killing time I could also score a half dozen books for less than $4.00? But the fun ended back in September when they had the audacity to move away.

Tears were shed upon this discovery.

Now I'm back to the bookstore obsession. But after buying a couple of books with Christmas gift cards, it occurred to me:

I have so many partially-read books it's not even funny.  Like, a lot of them.

When did this happen? When did I start picking up and reading books that I supersupersuper wanted...only until the next book I supersupersuper want came along? When did I become so loose with my affections?

And that's just it.  When it comes to books, I am a loose woman.

From what I can tell, I have at least 6 partials, including a biography of Benjamin Franklin, Team of Rivals about Lincoln and his cabinet, a book on the Johnstown Flood, a book on the Civil War and its beginnings and World Without End, the sequel to Pillars of the Earth.  There are also two Terry Pratchett books which Rob bought recently and probably a few other books that my father-in-law gave me a couple years back when he was cleaning out his own collection.  Except for the one on the flood, the other partials in my collection are all pretty big books.  Pretty DARN big, actually.  And they all deserve my love.  I should see our relationship through.

I have seen the light.  I am ready to give up my loose and wanton ways.

Therefore, in 2010 I am going to make it a point to finish reading all of my partially-read books before I buy any new ones.  I should be a busy girl for a long time!

Weight Loss Journal, Day 6

I had an interesting conversation with Rob tonight over dinner. After stopping by to visit his dad in the rehab center, we went to the Melrose Diner in South Philly.

Can I just take a moment here to wax rhapsodical about the Melrose Diner? It's just...aahhhhhhhhhh. That sigh right there? The sigh of a contented person observing all manner of interesting and colorful characters, in an atmosphere that hasn't changed in decades. Something in the unchangeable quality of places like that just does something for me. I love it. Oh, and the food is good, too.

Anyway, after eating dinner (I admit, I felt overly full when I was through, and I didn't finish my entree...or my rice pudding...) Rob and I talked about weight loss. I was in despair - once again I had forgotten everything I was "supposed" to do and eaten spaghetti and meatballs*. And rice pudding. And I'm supposed to be LOSING weight! That's what I said to Rob. "You know what I weigh, I posted it yesterday," I said. He nodded. "Why do I do this?" I despaired.

"Because you like food," he replied calmly. "We both like food. We enjoy sitting down to a big dinner. Think about it - some of the best memories you have are probably those of sitting around the dinner table with your family, and of Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner."

"Yeah, but for me, Christmas dinner is every day, that's my problem," I retorted sourly. Again I asked why I am the way I am.

"You like food, that's all there is to it. Some people aren't like that, and some people are," he replied.

I wish it was as black-and-white for me as it is for him. Maybe he just truly loves food, and if that's the case good for him. But I have to sat that I feel it's different for me on some level. Loving food is one thing - eating to the point of illness is another. Plus there's the eating out of boredom, sadness, loneliness, etc etc that I and so many other people do - there is work to be done there, the pinpointing of when that happens and why, and how to prevent it.

Still, my husband had a point. I do simply love food. I love making a big meal, it's my way of showing love to others. I love the taste and smell and feel of food.

I just need to learn to love it and still love myself.



*The meatballs were clearly homemade, NOT purchased frozen from the store. I was in heaven. I mean, a diner making their own meatballs? Who does THAT? It was worth eating them if only for the joy that revelation brought to me.

My One Week Late Resolution

I just came up with a new resolution.

It seems that in the past few months (maybe more), I have lost my sense of perspective when it comes to the attitudes of those around me. I'm normally the first person to say that nothing's personal, and that the way an individual treats you is all about THEM and nothing about YOU. This includes thoughtless co-workers.

And yet as of late I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with some of these people!

Yesterday I really felt like I was about to explode on someone and it wasn't even 10:00 yet. I have lazy co-workers, thoughtless ones, ones who are just poised and ready to throw someone under the bus for any small mistake of their own, and my favorite: people who talk you half to death over an issue that could have been resolved within the first 5 minutes of their monologue if they had just shut up for a minute.

I find that as of late I'm taking everything very personally. Doesn't A know that I have better things to do than to cover for them when they're late? Doesn't B know that no one should have to take the blame for their oversights? Doesn't C know that they're a total windbag and it's rude to waste my time like this???? Do they think I'm so stupid that I require a step-by-step explanation of a simple problem???

And then I remembered: It's not about me. It's about them.

Nothing, no infringement, no real or perceived trespass against you by anyone else has anything to do with you. It's all about them. Everyone is the star in their own one-man show. All others are simply supporting players.

So the person who's always looking for someone to throw under the bus is really just desperately worried about keeping their job and feels like the slightest mistake might threaten that. The thoughtless one is...just thoughtless, to the point of not considering anyone else but themselves. That's just how some people are. The windbag just never learned how to get to the point, it has nothing to do with whether or not they think I'm intelligent.

It's this way everywhere, all over the world. So now I wonder: have I ever put someone in the position I was in yesterday?

My resolution then is to keep remembering the things I tend to forget about human nature. That knowledge makes life easier to deal with.

Weight Loss Journal, Day 5 - Weigh-In Wednesday

Well, the time has come. You asked for it.

Okay. I know you didn't actually ask for it. You're far too tactful and for that, I thank you.

But here it is anyway. The magic number. The number many people use to evaluate themselves. My weight.

Current weight as of this morning: 258 lbs.

Whew, that wasn't so difficult!

So yeah, there I am, over the 250 lb mark. I've lost and gained so many times, and told myself so many times that I would never see 250 again. But I'm baaaaack. And as always, 250+ welcomes with me open arms. Big, flabby open arms.

My goal? Not so sure. For my height the most I should be is 160. But I have a large frame and have always been "solid", so I could very well look like a skeleton by then. So we'll have to see.

But the most important part will be health. A lot of skinny people are far less healthy than so-called "plus-size" models who may be a bit thicker about the middle but who eat healthy foods and work out regularly. Health is key. That's my mantra.

Well, not tonight anyway. What I did do in honor of my big weight announcement? I went to the Chinese buffet. Yep, I sure did. Why? I was starving and craving Chinese. I wouldn't have been so hungry if I hadn't been too busy to have lunch today. So there you go. I was starving so I ate the easiest and fastest and most abundant thing available. Did I go crazy? No. I don't feel the slightest bit over-full or uncomfortable, which is a huge difference from buffet visits in the past. Still, not the best idea and I know it. Maybe I should have snacks in my bag (lord knows it's big enough) that I can eat on the train in times like this and not blow it all at night. So there's a lesson here.

I know I'm not the first person to blow a day's good work come dinner time. So I'm letting it go and moving forward. Good things I did today: I drank a ton of water and a cup of green tea - had I not been so busy I would have had more tea, it did aid in my weight loss the last time I made it a point to incorporate it on a daily basis. For a snack I had a hard-boiled egg and carrots, and a piece of string cheese in the afternoon. So I did make a couple of healthy choices anyway.

I'm tired of the 250's. Next stop: 240's!

Weight Loss Journal, Day 4

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I bare it all (figuratively – you’re not gonna be seeing anything that only my husband should be seeing).

At first I thought it would be no big deal to reveal my weight like this. So rarely are women comfortable with that number, even if it’s an extremely reasonable one. The fib, they avoid, they dress themselves so as to conceal perceived flaws. No one walks around with that number hanging from around their neck unless they’re on “The Biggest Loser”.

Well I can say one thing with absolute certainty: This ain’t no “Biggest Loser” competition. You’re not going to see me losing weight hand over fist, just pounds and pounds disappearing all at once. It’s not going to work that way for any sustained period of time. I, like so many others, have crash dieted. And I’ve lost weight, fast. And gee gosh, it’s all back again! Go figure!

So, this is on my terms. I want to be fitter, I want to be slimmer, I want to be healthy inside and out. So no crash diets, no crazy exercise regime that’ll have me hurting myself. And no dieting.

GASP! No dieting?

No. I refuse to ever diet again. I am 30 years old and am at this moment breaking the dieting chains. At the heart of this issue, my weight, is the fact that I can’t deal with food in a healthy way. I need to learn how to do that. Until I do, no weight loss will ever be permanent. I’ll never know how to say “That’s not the best thing for me to be eating” if all I say when I’m losing weight is “I’m on a diet”. Once the diet’s over, what’s the excuse for passing up that second helping? And the issues that lay behind wanting that food so much won’t go anywhere, they’ll just be waiting to rear their ugly heads once my back is turned. So once again I say: No More Dieting.

Today’s food was just the same as yesterday’s, except I mixed up the order of my snacks (oooh, wild!) and had tuna instead of sardines. I’m truly a creature of habit. Dinner will most likely be pasta – but not much, since weigh-in is tomorrow and I really don’t need to add any more weight! I will be piling on any veggies I can get my hands on so as to make it more filling.

My Husband is Brilliant

One reason I married Rob: He’s brilliant.

He opened my eyes to a piece of software of which I have been completely unaware up til now. It’s called OneNote and it’s a Microsoft Office product. He said he saw it years back but has only recently made use of it. Myself, I don’t venture outside of Word (and the occasional foray into Excel, but only when I really really have to). So this discovery has been a revelation. Still, what to do with it?

This is where his brilliance comes in, and why this post pertains to cooking. He pointed out that it would be much easier to keep track of my recipes in this program. He compared it to a giant virtual Trapper Keeper (aww, remember them?) in which notes, files, even screen shots can all be kept. For instance, if I already have a recipe I often refer back to online (there are many, many of these), rather than going to the webpage every time I want to make a certain dish, I can just make a screen shot and put it right there in my tabbed file. So all I’d have to do would be to click on the file and bingo, recipe. Right next to the recipe I can make notes of my own, of which again there are many but in this case they’re all up in my head. This will be much more convenient and involve way less head scratching. Head scratching when your hands are full of bread dough isn’t a good idea anyway. Not like I’d know that from experience or anything…

Another idea he came up with was to make spreadsheets of my recipes, with ingredients and amounts, and to modify as I go along. So one row may be the original recipe, the next can be what I’ve modified so far, and so on and so forth until I arrive at what works best for me. And the beauty part is that this, too, can be stored right in my file for that recipe in OneNote. Amazing! Even though it does involve Excel. But I’ll adapt. I guess.

And this doesn’t have to be just for cooking. I can have a notebook for writing ideas, one for craft ideas (complete with inspiration pics!), I can even make a virtual vision board. How cool!

Oh, and it stores audio and video files as well. Good way to make use of my handy built-in webcam, no?

Viva technology!

Oven-dried tomatoes

I love tomatoes, let's just get that out there.  I love them with just about anything.  In that respect, they're right up there with mushrooms.

Sometimes, though, they need a little...something.  Something to push them over the edge.  This could be because they're a little too tart, acidic or just bland from it being winter and all.

What to do?

I found the perfect answer to my dilemma while reading Nigella Lawson's Nigella Express.  In it she details a recipe for what she refers to as "Moonblush Tomatoes".  I took her recipe and tweaked it ever so slightly.  Why moonblush? Because they're left in the oven overnight.  Let me explain...

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees.

Take a pint (or more, if you're so inclined) of grape tomatoes and cut them in half crosswise (I once tried doing it lengthwise but it didn't work nearly as well).  Then try your darndest to get the little buggers to sit cut-side up in a pyrex pan (that's why I cut them crosswise the one time, because I couldn't get them to stand up - but it gets easier the more you put in, they all kind of help each other).

Seriously, what was with my shadowiness that day?? And did you really need to see my crappy looking kitchen floor?

Once all your little guys are facing up, drizzle some olive oil on top of them.  Gosh, I just love the smell of olive oil.

Yummy olive oil bath

Sprinkle on some salt.

Nigella calls for oregano but I'm not a huge fan of it.  I used dried basil instead.  Basil being one of my major food groups and all.

And you're done your prep work! All that's left is popping your pan into the oven and then immediately turning the oven off.  Immediately.  Off.

I normally do all of this pretty close to bedtime so at this point I go to bed.  But if you're not me and you're doing this in the morning or afternoon, do whatever it is you do with your morning or afternoon.  I just happen to enjoy sticking by the idea of them being "moonblush". 

In reality I'm sure the oven loses heat in less time than the usual overnight slumber so within several hours, you will come out with...THIS:

Yes, with enough practice, you too can take a poorly lit picture!

See how they're all kinda withered looking now? Their lovely flavor is condensed and strengthened, and the oil and salt and basil (or whatever you use) imparts such gorgeous tastiness.  I just love these and eat them all the time.  I serve them up with my scrambled eggs, salads, pasta, couscous...or just by themselves.  They're delicious and healthy.

Which is so unlike me.

Weight Loss Journal: Day 3

Boy, I sure did enjoy my workout this morning.  I had a hard time getting out of bed but it was worth it! When I was through I felt alive, lit up, and proud of myself.  I was even glowing.  Or perhaps it was just the sheen of sweat on my brow.

Clearly, none of this happened.

What really happened was this:

(1) I had a tough time shutting my brain off so I could go to sleep - ever have that happen to you? In particular, have song lyrics ever run on a loop through your brain and you're unable to push the STOP button? And never good songs, either.  I'm talking stupid crap that, upon recognition, makes you scream "OH NO!" and change the station real quick.  Laying in bed and having such musical genius as "Disco Duck" running through your head (just an example, that one never played a part in my insomnia...yet).  Yeah, it's a real thrill.

(2) I woke up around 4:00, saw the time, and immediately set my alarm to go off at 5:30.  I knew I just wasn't going to be able to get up in 45 minutes to do my pre-workout bathroom break, etc.  Then, somehow, I managed to turn OFF the alarm, so...

(3) I jumped out of bed at 5:47, thanking my lucky stars that I even managed to wake up at that time without the alarm.

So day 1 of working out is kaput.  We'll be visiting Rob's dad later so except for walking to the rehab or hospital (depending on where he is tonight), that's about all I'll be doing in terms of exercise.  Well, there's always tomorrow.



Meanwhile, I am starving even though I had a seemingly satisfying lunch.  I am also feeling mildly nauseous.  What a great combination.

Breakfast was plain oatmeal (YUM!!!) and a cup of skim milk.  I honestly love and adore plain old 5-minute Quaker Oats with absolutely nothing added (even though spoonfuls of sugar are always yummy when they're, you know, allowed).  Snack this morning was a couple handfuls of baby carrots and homemade white bean hummus (YUM AGAIN!).  Lunch was a sardine (mixed with mayo), avocado, tomato and hard boiled egg sandwich.  It was delicious but again, I feel kinda sick somehow.  And later I plan to have greek yogurt with honey.  So good.  Dinner? No idea, seeing as how we kind of wing it on visiting nights.  I'm sure I can find something fairly non-threatening, even if it means stopping somewhere and grabbing a protein bar or something.  Regardless, there's always something not-too-bad for you, anywhere you go.  You just have to keep an eye out.

LATER...I had chili and part of a small salad for dinner at the hospital cafeteria.  I was really, really proud of my food choice seeing as how there was pizza, cheesesteak, hot sausage sandwich, macaroni and cheese and other unstellar choices abounding.  Immediately my body gravitated towards the mac and cheese and mashed potato section.  But then my eyes wandered to the salad bar and I knew what I had to do.  So I did.  Go me!

Only two more days til I post my weight.  Am I woman enough for this??

Weight Loss Journal, Day 2 Part 2

I would just like to say for the record that it's interesting how easily old habits rear their ugly heads when you're not paying attention.  Already I'm sitting here in a state of despair (well, despair's a heavy word but I'm feeling dramatic right now) over the things I can't eat anymore.  And not even that I can't eat them, because I can eat anything I want.  It's the VOLUME that I'm already missing.  Tons and tons of food, so much food I can hardly fit it all in.  Why so much? Why isn't enough enough? I wish I knew...

Gravy: A Pictorial

Let me start off this post by stating that this gravy was one of the most time-consuming things I've ever made.  Why? Because I finally understood why Rob gets so crazy over his chili and makes sure it gets stirred, like, once every 15 minutes (and I think I'm being generous with that amount of time but it's been a while so I don't quite remember).  After putting in all the time with buying the meat and browning the meat in batches and getting oil splattered all over my wrists (and face), I just couldn't bear the thought of losing this gravy to burning.  So I hovered over it like an over-protective mother. 

I stirred. 

I scraped. 

I stirred again. 

I reminded myself that the sauce needed to be allowed to sit still and simmer so as to finish cooking the meat. 

And then I stirred some more.

But it turned out great! Here's how it went down:

First I started making my meatballs.  I figured I would ramp up the serving amounts in the actual recipe - 3 lbs of meatballs, sausage and ribs were what it originally called for - and therefore adjusted all of the ingredients accordingly.  In the case of the meatballs, the ground beef came in 5 lb bags and I figured, what the heck.  Leftover meatballs = good times. 

So there's my 5 lbs of beef in a great big pyrex pan, which was the only thing I had in my cabinets that would be big enough to hold the meat and allow room for mixing.  With the meat went the usual stuff...except for the fact that I forgot to buy more bread crumbs during our supermarket trip.  What to do? Easy.  Use crushed Town House crackers.  Which is what I did.  I wish I had taken measurements of what I used in the meatballs because Rob swears they're the best I ever made.  I generally eyeball everything, though.

Mmm, lovely balls of beef

Once the meatballs were formed, I diced up two onions.  I loathe and despise working with onions, even though I adore eating them.  These were particularly pungent little suckers, which made me leave the room several times just to take a break.  Needless to say, this took a long time.

Just a bowl full of tears, as far as I'm concerned

I also got out my trusty garlic press and pressed 9 cloves of garlic.  Mmmm, garlic...

I then took some long links of sausage and made them look like this:

Then I took out a very, very big pot and poured about half a cup of olive oil in there.

Great big pot

I *big puffy heart* olive oil

Then it was time to start browning.  First, the sausage...

 Can you just FEEL the oil sputtering and spattering everywhere?

Then the meatballs...

Then the ribs...

Once the meat was completely browned, I pulled out my beef bones to brown them as well.

 Uh...yum?

I admit, I was kinda grossed out by the bones.  I understand that they bring flavor, I totally get that.  But...browning bones? How does one brown bones, exactly?

Note the blood coming out of the marrow.  It was a close call, but I managed to not puke

Oh, they're browning! Okay, I get it!

Once my bones were brown, I dumped in the onions and browned them for a few minutes, then tossed the garlic in and did the same thing.

Once the onions and garlic were browned, I added about 16 oz of tomato paste and browned it as well.  No pictures of that, only because I was too busy trying to avoid burning!

Then 6 28 oz cans of tomatoes joined the party, along with a hefty pinch of sugar and a few bay leaves.  And that was it for the sauce.

But what about all that glorious meat? Well, after an hour of letting the sauce simmer, the ribs got added.  Then after another hour, the sausage.  Another hour, then the meatballs.  And finally just simmer, simmer, simmer until "a layer of grease forms". 

Um...there was definitely a layer of grease.  I got out the old turkey baster and did my best to suck as much of the grease off as I could.  I was pretty successful and, in retrospect, wish I had thought to take a picture of what I came up with.  It was truly a sight to behold.

Do you see the grease just floating there? Ick! And yet it's kind of sexy, let's not lie to each other.

I'll be honest with you, I was afraid I wouldn't have enough room for the meatballs.  So I took out the bones and that seemed to leave enough room.  There was a lot o' meat hanging out in that pot!

The results?

Pile o' meat, after being picked at by the first round of eaters

Well, after all that work, the gravy was universally acclaimed, if I do say so.  After all the meat I started with (and there was a LOT), we managed to get another two dinners out of it and that was about it.  I really thought there would be way more left over.  Then again, I did see at least one person at the party taking three plates full.  But I'm not telling any tales.  And there IS sauce left over so I froze that for later.  I hope to make this again some time for the family, I think they'll like it.  At least I know I will!

So, success.  On to the next project!

(Check out the original recipe here)

**UPDATE: I can now also report that the sauce freezes extremely well!**

This has been linked to:

A Southern Fairytale - Mouthwatering Monday

Home Ec 101 - Fearless Friday

A Soft Place To Land - DIY Day

Weight Loss Journal, Day 2

I don't think I've had a good night's sleep in months, to be honest.

Why? I know there are several reasons.  First, my weight.  It keeps me from being comfortable at night.  Second, my weight.  It keeps me from breathing well at night.  Third...my weight.  Well, you get the idea.

I was sleeping much better when I was eating well and exercising.  So it's time to get that ball rolling again.

I admit that I didn't do a darn thing yesterday to advance myself.  I put myself further in the hole, actually.  But today is the day I start to slooooowly turn the ship around and sail towards calmer, healthier seas.

I still can't decide if I want to work out at the gym at work over my lunch break, or if I would rather work out at home.  I mean, I do have dvd's that I could easily use here (there are these Core Rhythms dvd's that seriously kick my butt and make me want to collapse) but that would mean...grrr...waking up earlier than I normally do.

Well, I guess it's for a good cause, right? 30 minutes of dancing to those dvd's really gets me sweating.  So I get up at 5 instead of 5:30 - no great loss.  Then I also have exercise bands which I can use a couple of nights a week in order to work on strength training.

But the most important thing right now is my eating.  We're going to the supermarket soon and I need to make the right choices.

LATER...

I made some pretty good choices at the market, just reverting back to the choices I was making back in the day when being healthy was still a priority.  Granted, it's never been a priority for a lengthy period of time, but I do know the moves I should be making.  So I got veggies and white beans for hummus, which I made already.  I got Greek yogurt and honey, eggs to be hard boiled for a snack if I should want one, and sardines for making sardine sandwiches.  Yeah, I know it sounds gross, but sardines are super healthy so I'm willing to take the plunge.  I'm willing to take the plunge with a lot of different things right now, and it's a great feeling.