Wow! It's a Sham!

It’s funny how life works sometimes. Sometimes the path ahead of us is clear. We see what we want and we go for it. Other times we see what we want and don’t have the courage or the ability to go for it and instead it comes to us somehow. And then sometimes we don’t know what we really want or how to get it, and even if what we wanted made its way to us we wouldn’t recognize it.

I’ve generally fallen into the last of those categories. There’s always been so much I want that I can’t decide between this or that. Which road to take, which dream to settle on? Tough questions. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I’m not good enough to have what I want, to achieve great things. For the most part, though, it’s been laziness and a level of comfort in what I’m familiar with that’s held me back.

Case in point: my entire life before meeting my husband.

I spent many years telling myself that I just wasn’t meant for the husband-and-kids life. I wasn’t attractive to guys, I told myself. And yes, that is partly true, I know. But it wasn’t enough to stop me completely, and yet I let it. It was easier to shut down than to experience the pain of rejection. And when I finally started thinking in a more positive manner, when I woke up one day and told myself that I was worth more than the little I was allowing myself, everything changed. I decided that it was time I was accepted by myself and others as I really am, and that I wasn’t going to change myself for anyone. I swear I met Rob two days later. But even then I was afraid and hesitant. I kept coming up with reasons why it wouldn’t work. Eventually I figured out that as much as I hated being single and lonely, it was all I’d ever known and I was comfortable with it. I was reluctant to break out of that and take a chance on something I’d never known before. Scary at first, but 3 years later I don’t have any regrets.

So why can’t the same be true across the board, throughout life? The thing is, it IS true throughout life. I finally drew the parallel a week ago. It took 3 years but I finally had that “a ha” moment. So we’ll see where this leads me. I’m not making any bold statements yet – I’m playing it pretty close to the vest right now.

In other news…

I managed to burn the crap out of two fingers a couple of nights ago – this is why I should never turn on the oven, even though delicious things usually result. And let’s not even talk about how I almost dropped an entire Pyrex baking dish full of unbaked chicken pot pie on myself earlier in the week (yeeeah hon, we almost had to order out that night). But my hubby keeps asking me how my hand feels and that’s very sweet so it’s all good. And for the record, while I wanted to chop my fingers off right after it happened, it stopped hurting the next day (after the shower – did you ever try to keep your hand dry while you shower, without the help of a glove or anything? Did it work for you because it sure didn’t for me!).

The vacuum sealer bag is still sealed – it’s been sitting on the “other” couch in the living room all week. I would like to say that this is because I was testing to make sure no air was getting in over time. In reality, it’s because I need to first clean out the closet downstairs before anything else can be shoved into it. I’m going to attempt that daunting task this weekend.

The ShamWow…I can’t accurately describe my disappointment. But perhaps my expectations were too high. No, on second thought – I couldn’t even get a plate dry on the first swipe with one of those things. When you watch the commercials, doesn’t it make you expect to at least be able to dry a dish? They claim to be able to dry a wet dog! A wet sweater! An ENTIRE CAR for God’s sake. And I couldn’t even dry a dish. Maybe I got defective ShamWows. Maybe I’m the defective one. Maybe the water coming out of my faucet was particularly wet and ornery that day. I don’t know.

Tired of...

You know what?

I’m tired of being afraid to live life.

I’m tired of being worried about what the future might bring in the light of this yucky economic situation.

I’m tired of putting things off indefinitely, always assuming that there’s plenty of time…after I take this nap or watch this show or finish this piece of work or whatever.

Too many “todays” are wasted worrying about tomorrow. Too many are wasted when things are put off to the future. If not now, when? When is the right time for anything, really? When does that magic time finally arrive? What if it never does.

That’s why we’re going to Disney World. And that’s why a lot of things in my life are going to change!

Vacation!

We're going to Disney World! May 31 - June 4th!

So excited!

More later...