Weight Loss Journal, Day 7

It's so clear that I have the toughest time with eating when I'm completely bored. 

Today at work I barely even managed to eat my lunch (and not even the entire thing), whereas yesterday and the day before I was nearly dying of starvation and couldn't stop thinking about food.  I actually didn't even remember that I had a half a can of Progresso soup in the fridge until I was well on my way home.  I hope no one throws out the container it's in...

The difference? I was busier than all get-out this afternoon, and was bored as heck the two days prior.

I'm trying to come up with ways to busy myself at home when I'm having a major craving.  Yeah, yeah, I know there are a million things I could be doing instead of eating.  Heck, all of the crafty blogs I've been exploring over the past few weeks proves that in abundance.  Still, it's very tough to focus on anything else when your brain is telling you it's time for you eat.  Now.  Lots.  Of whatever.

In other news...

I started to reread one of Geneen Roth's books on the train tonight.  I loved how just a few pages put me back to where I was a few months ago, mentally.  Everything came flooding back, all the wisdom, all the knowledge.  What a great feeling.

The first thing I need to do is learn to be a bit more gentle with myself.  This goes in all aspects of life, not just weight loss or the attempt to become a healthier person.

Case in point: One night Rob and I were sitting on the couch and watching a movie, as we do so often.  On the floor across the room is a basket in which I have piled many skeins of yarn.  He said, "I love that basket.  I look at it and it makes me feel so homey".  My immediate response: "Funny, I look at it and I think about all the projects I never completed".

See the difference there? And that's just one example of, like, a thousand and one.  It's all about how you look at things.

So, how to be gentle.  The first part of this is to accept my body for what it is.  Everything about my body, whether it pleases me or not, IS a part of me.  It should be treated kindly, with respect.

The next part is being gentle with my inner self.  I know I haven't always made the right choices when it comes to what I say I want out of life.  The choices I've made regarding food are in direct conflict with what I say I want my body to look like and how I say I want to feel.  However, as Geneen points out (and this makes so much sense to me), compulsive eating is always done as a way to take care of ourselves.

For instance, say you feel as though when you are thin you automatically need to be vivacious and energetic and charming? Say you feel that you need to be attractive to everyone you meet.  But in reality you're an introvert who would rather spend a quiet night in than be the center of attention.  So what do you do? You eat in order to protect yourself from the spotlight you think you're going to be in otherwise.  It's self-preservation, while on the surface it looks like self-mutilation.  I don't know, to me it just makes sense and is worth exploring.

How have I done this to myself in the past?


Can you think of a time you may have done this to yourself (and it doesn't have to be about food)?