I Resolve

New Year's Eve morning.  I wish there was a way for me to show you how gorgeous it is outside right now.  I tried taking a couple of pictures but they can't capture the beauty of the snow (in fact the falling flakes don't even register on the camera, which is really weird and frustrating).  What makes it even more beautiful is knowing that we're only getting about an inch! So it can be enjoyed worry-free.  It is just so perfectly beautiful, the frosting on bare branches, everything looking kind of hazy and gray in the early-morning light.  And it's so peaceful.  I am truly grateful for moments like this.

I always think "resolutions" at this time of year - who doesn't? I like this time of year because it holds hope.  Hope for "better".  A better body, better health, better relationships, better whatever.  There is hope for the coming year.  For me it's an energizing feeling, I feel like I'm in control.  Where that control goes over the course of the year I just can't begin to tell you...

Here are some resolutions I'm making for the coming year:

1. Keeping up this blog

It's all fine and good and easy to type up any random thought that floats through my head when I'm on vacation.  It's another to make a concerted effort to post regularly when I'm spending 12 hour days away from home.  But now that I have my netbook it should be easier, seeing as how 2 1/2 of those hours are spent on a train every day.  Rather than reading or playing a game on my iphone, I can be doing this.

2. Starting a weight loss blog

I plan to make my first weight loss post tomorrow.  It's gonna be brutal.  It's gonna be real.  I actually plan to tell everyone my true weight BEFORE losing anything.  See, it's all fine and good to tell people what you weighed prior to losing a great deal of weight.  Then they can 'oooh' and 'aaah' over your achievement.  It's another thing to say "This is what has happened to me, this is what I allowed to happen, and here's where I stand prior to my weight loss journey.  Judge as you will".  Do I want you to judge me? Well, no.  But you can't be harsher to me than I am to myself.  So little matter.

3. Accept life as it comes, one day at a time

I think I'm getting better with this one.  Lord knows I've had practice with it over the past weeks.  But I'm going to need to get a lot better at it in the coming year, I can tell.  When you start thinking of the future and all the work that's going to go into something, it becomes overwhelming.  Prior to the situation with Rob's dad, 'one day at a time' was always just a concept for me.  I would tell myself to take my weight loss attempts one day at a time - clearly, it never worked.  Now, though, when faced with a truly overwhelming situation it becomes clear to me what I need to do.  Thinking months into the future, facing 'what if's', only serves to bring me to the brink of hyperventilation.  It's not worth it.  One day at a time.

4. Learn to stop worrying so much

This ties in with #3.  Worry is a waste of time.  I preach to Rob constantly on this.  And yet there I am, laying in bed in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep after a bathroom trip because I can't shut my stupid brain off for a while.  It seems as soon as I'm even slightly awake, the thoughts come marching in.  For the sake of my sanity it needs to end.

5. Pray more, meditate more, exercise more

In general, pay more attention to my physical and spiritual health.  I need to be at the top of my game and am tired of performing at a sub-par level.

So there you go.  I know there's more than this, but these 5 are the biggies.  And really when I review them, I see that one theme keeps repeating and that all these resolutions can be summed up in one statement:

I am going to be good to myself.