M is for Memory

I know I usually try to be upbeat for Jenny's Alphabe-Thursday, but today's subject touches on something that's held a lot of significance for me lately.

My name is Jennifer Ann.  I am the oldest of 4 children.  I changed the diapers of 2 of those children and have been privileged enough to watch them grow up (as opposed to having grown up with the other one).  I was raised in Philadelphia and now live in New Jersey.  I am married to a man named Robert and have been for 1 1/2 years.  I have worked for the same company for just over 6 years and know my job very well. 

That is who I am.  At least, a part of the big picture of me.

So what if I didn't remember any of that? Would I be any less "myself"?

I've been giving a lot of thought to memory lately.  As in, what makes memory, how is memory processed and stored, and how we recall our memories.  Pretty high-level stuff, as I'm sure you'll agree.  Of course I'm not working on these concepts at a high level.  I'm no neuro-specialist (though I wish I was!!).

When you think about it, you realize that everything we do every day is based on a memory of something we've done in the past.  We know what day it is when we wake up in the morning because we remember the day before.  We know how to bathe because we've been doing it for ourselves for most of our lives.  We dress, we eat, we go to work or work in our home, based on memories of past experiences.  Of course none of this is going on at the conscious level, but deep in our brains, little messages are being shot out in all directions.  "Make a left turn here".  "You are putting laundry in the washing machine, here's how to make it work".  "Press this button to watch TV". 

When you get down to it, much of life is lived on the subconscious level.
It's really a miracle, isn't it? All of the ins and outs we're not even aware of.  We learn over the course of our lives that our memory is reliable (well, most of the time for most people - birthdays and anniversaries notwithstanding!) and that we can depend upon it to get us through the day-to-day.

So what happens when the memory we've come to depend upon fails us?

More importantly, what happens to "me" when I can't remember "me", or I remember a different version than the "me" that exists in real life?

What makes me who I am if so much of who I am is based upon memories of myself? What happens to my world if I see it through false memory?

What if someone were to tell me tomorrow that all of my memories of today and yesterday and weeks ago were false? Would I believe them? How could I? I mean, this is my memory.  The one I've depended upon all my life.  How bizarre that must be.  I can only imagine that it would be like some sort of sci-fi movie...living in a world by yourself.  The twist ending where the audience realizes that the protagonist's world isn't the "real" world.  In this case, though, the movie would go on and on.
These are things I think about lately.  I think about them a lot because I'm watching it firsthand.  It doesn't get easier, and as I've said on numerous occasions, "The brain is a mysterious thing".  It truly is.