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The Misadventures of Mrs. B: Coffee Time: Finding Joy

Cook. Writer. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Klutz.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Coffee Time: Finding Joy

Good morning, coffee friends!

The word "joy" has been on my mind a lot this past week. I'm sure my husband, who will be reading this because he's just cool and supportive like that, is tired of hearing me say the word. Joy, joy, joy.
Why has joy been on my mind? Well, as of late I've noticed that there is a severe absence of joy in my life. Granted, there have been beautiful moments here and there, and laughter and family and friends. But for the most part (and more so lately) I feel as though a weight has been placed on me which is getting heavier and heavier as time goes on.

Last week a boulder was added when we got word that Rob's dad is coming home much sooner than we had planned. The normal questions arose, questions like "Will we have to clean him up after he uses the bathroom?" and "Will we have to bathe him?" and stuff like that - things we were hoping he'd be better at before he was sent home. He's talking and everything, and there's no paralysis (thank you, Lord), but he's weak and not eating well and not interested in anything but sleep so we can't yet forsee a time when he'll start to get stronger and more able to take care of his basic needs. We felt very overwhelmed by that news (and that's not taking into account that we had to seriously speed up our move as a result, too!).

After all this frustration and confusion...Not much is doing it for me right now. I'm trying to find humor in life, still trying to make yummy things in the kitchen and throw myself into blogging. And I'm still loving the heck out of my husband and family members. But other than that? Everything, from getting up in the morning to getting through the work day without falling asleep and getting home without collapsing, is a major chore.
I know that lots of people go through much more devastating events than I am and still manage to keep a grip on life and not focus so much on the negative. Sure, after a year and a half of marriage you don't really expect something like this to come up. I just keep telling myself that this is happening for a reason. Okay, I should have said that I NEED to keep telling myself that, because I've clearly stopped doing so.  The Lord has a reason for everything and I need to give this to Him.  Why is that so difficult at times? Why do I need to keep reminding myself over and over? And even then, even after praying and talking to God and taking a deep breath, it's so tough to remember to be happy.

My new goal, then, is to find ways to add a little joie de vivre to my everyday life.
I already plan on trying my hand at gardening when we get settled and the weather warms up (note to self: post the before pictures from last weekend).

I'm happy that I'll have a bigger kitchen with - GASP! - windows, so I'll be able to take pictures of my creations and actually have natural light! A big, big backyard in which Rob can just grill to his heart's content (once we buy a grill and all). There are many positives here. Still, I know that things can become overwhelming when you're caring for someone who's sick, and I know that I'll want to pick up the slack when I'm home since Rob will be home all day and he'll probably want a break - I know I would.  But I'm gonna need something to fall back on.

So any more suggestions? All you Company Girls were so helpful last weekend when I had my "To Do List" woes - and I'm still so appreciative!!!



Blogger Melinda said...

That is a lot on your plate. I'll pray that you'll see and feel the joy around you.

January 29, 2010 at 12:14 PM

Blogger bashtree said...

You have so much going on - and it's ok that you feel burdened by that. I think you're right to look for little things. And gardening sounds awesome! One thing I've been doing this year is keeping a gratitude journal. Every (well, most) night before I go to sleep I write down 5 things I can be grateful for. Sometimes it's specific things and limiting it to 5 is tough. Other times it's like...I'm grateful that breathing is innate because I probably couldn't remember to do it otherwise. You know :)

January 29, 2010 at 4:05 PM

Blogger said...

I think the way you are feeling is completely understandable. I don't know if it helps when I tell you that, but just know that it's totally normal and understandable.

January 29, 2010 at 5:44 PM

Blogger carikaufm said...

I am praying for you!

Feeling overwhelmed is ok. You have so much going on and you are entering into an unknown world with your father in law. Could it be that you are grieving the life that you expected? I went through a very similar process when my son was diagnosed with EE and unable to eat anything. I just couldn't shake the melancholy. But, accepting that grief was a part of the healing process that I really needed. Perhaps that is where you are...grieving...and that's ok.

January 29, 2010 at 5:53 PM

Blogger Leah said...

i love that you're trying to find the joy in your life..i was just noticing that i never smile anymore...sometimes i think our lives just get so full we don't have a chance to stop and make sure our emtions are in the right place. ((HUGS))

January 29, 2010 at 6:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just said a prayer for you. The Lord knows how much you can handle, so look to Him for strength and joy!

January 29, 2010 at 7:17 PM

Blogger Shawna R. B. Atteberry said...

I'll be praying for you. 1 1/2 years after we married, My Hubby was diagnosed with a liver infection, so I know the overwhelm. Any chance for some home health care to help you out while he's getting stronger?

January 29, 2010 at 11:14 PM

Anonymous melissa said...

It's wonderful that you can show love for your husband by showing love and compassion to his father. Your husband will never forget these days! Remember to take time for each other. ;)

January 30, 2010 at 7:16 PM

Blogger One More Equals Four said...

You have every reason to feel overwhelmed and I do understand. I have often felt in the past year that I have forgotten how to see the funny, the positive, etc. But, how wonderful to know that we are able to do ANYTHING through Christ who gives us strength. I said a prayer for you and hope you can see the joy that you already have through salvation!

January 30, 2010 at 7:33 PM

Blogger Frugal Friend said...

That is a lot. But you and your husband will be far from doing it all alone. God will be there every step of the way. And if you can get some friends to help out too, to give you and Rob a date night, that would be great. So maybe you can start journaling now about how you are finding joy. That way when you have really hard days in the future, you can read back and remember the Joy that makes it all worthwhile. Be blessed this weekend!

January 30, 2010 at 10:30 PM

Blogger Rachel Anne said...

I think it's pretty natural to feel overwhelmed and depressed when you are having a major life change like what you've got going on. It sounds like there are a lot of unkowns and that doesn't help. But somewhere along the way, your joy will return. It will find you. Because you are under the Lord's care...and He will give you everything you need for this time of life. Isa 61:3 has been the scripture on my heart for weeks on end. He will give you the oil of joy for mourning in your present situation...and its fragrance will fill you and overflow all over the place.

You are in my prayers. And I look forward to your photos of food in natural light. :)

January 31, 2010 at 1:23 PM

Blogger Cathy said...

That's a lot! David's example all through the Psalms really encourage me. David poured his heart out to the Lord over and over again...he questions, he cried, he mourned, he praised and God heard him. God called David, "A man after my own heart." It's okay for us to take our emotions and our struggles before our God. He wants us to. I think you're doing great...Keep leaning on the Lord and all you know to be true...He will give you exactly what you need to get through!
Psalm 34:17&18
Praying for you and your family!

January 31, 2010 at 4:39 PM


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